i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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