there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
