Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
