I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
