I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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