Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
A bitchslap is in order.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
