you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
