and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
