I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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