i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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