3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
