I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
