..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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