I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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