Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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