she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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