I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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