Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
