She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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