Your tits are I can't wait for
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
