she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
