Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
