Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
