And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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