DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
