I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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