Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
