so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
