I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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