just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize