I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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