I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
