Dude my mom stole all your condoms
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
