Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
