i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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