i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
