we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
