"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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