I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
