some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
