i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
