Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
