He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
