When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
