Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
