What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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