I'm jealous of your bromance
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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