Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
