I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
