So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize