carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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