watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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