you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
