he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
