we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
