So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
