what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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