Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
