This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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