Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
