I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
