Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am available for nakedness
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
