Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
