I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
