remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
