What did we do last night that was yellow?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
