so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
