Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
