I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
