I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
