to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
